If
they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then
ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long
it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line
of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them
personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Say
"no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do
it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up
for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can,
"I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
If
they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.
My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."
If
the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out
goat blood? How about human blood?"
Tell
the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give
you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say,
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
Ask
them to repeat everything they say several times.
Insist
that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon,
cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
Tell
them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . .
louder . . .
When
the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the
salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.